Sorry Phoenix, Seattle has won my heart out.
There is something about driving on a tree-lined street, where the mist from the marine layer and moisture coming from the ground, that is absolutely magical to me. The quiet hum of the car dancing peacefully with my inner thoughts and occasional outer smiles as I felt content once more. I just had an evening where I was introduced to some cool people, and we watched fireworks on a TV because we enjoyed it.
After a few tries, the GPS found out where I was upon my departure, and set me back for a route to the hotel. And for those ten to fifteen minutes that I drove, I kept saying to myself, “Man, this is fantastic.” It’s the stuff that had made my dreams– rain, mist, trees and quiet. I know I’m in one of the better parts of the Seattle area, but that’s the case for any city. But the environment, its views and splendor are always bringing a smile to my face.
I sit here now in the hotel, with the window open so I can hear Lake Washington lapping onto the shore. With each pass of the water against the shore, I think of how much I want to have all of my friends up here– how I want them to explore this alluring countryside with me, how I want to say “Pacific Northwest” to them and it associate with a memory and not an ideal. But, the fantasy subsides quickly and I confront reality once more. I realize that’s not entirely possible. I have to choose to leave them behind, and it is a difficult thought for me.
I know my family would support me wherever I go, and that they would miss me. But I know they would want to see me grow and get out. But friends are selfish– in a good way. And it’s understandable; I sit here wanting to selfishly uproot them from what lives they have built down in Phoenix and plant them here, where they’d have to start anew. I’ve made some very close friends, and I feel sad that I’d be leaving them behind. In a sense, I’d be leaving me behind.
But one can only grow so much in their old skin. And the appeal of this place is amazing. There are a few things still up in the air about me being here, sure. But I am now hopeful, more than ever, that those pieces will fall into place and I will be able to make it. The financials are a bit tough to chew: I know I would have my pay adjusted for cost of living here, but the move is where I’d be falling in a bit. More recently, I have been a bit more tight around the financial waistline and I know it’s because I am working more. I don’t have as much time for eating at home anymore, so I get bites to eat on the way home. It’s amazing how much that will set one back.
So now I fear that this bait has been set, and I will have it pulled from me before I can bite and am taken along for the ride. In a sense, that mist is in front of me now. I am not sure what lies ahead, but I am sure it will be change. I am just hopeful that it’s change I want.